Respect and Choice: the Magic Ingredients to Chima's Latest Milestone

So much of working with a fearful dog can be better understood when we try to see things through the dog's eyes. I'm not saying to anthropomorphize the dog, but come on - we are all in the animal kingdom together and there are some behavioral things that pretty much apply across the board.

If you bully a person, chances are they aren't going to want to hang around you and be your friend. They may do what you tell them to do, but they are doing that because they are afraid of you, not because they think you're great.

If you invade a person's personal space, take away their right to make choices about their own body and how they are touched and handled you haven't built up a relationship with that person - no you have broken that relationship.

And if you force a person to do things that are frightening to them, you aren't teaching them to not be afraid since you didn't give them any choice about facing something they fear. Likely nothing will be learned from the experience other than you are a person to be avoided at all costs.

What does this have to do with dogs? Well if we can wrap our head around the idea that these living, breathing creatures with distinct personalities, likes and dislikes, have a right to be treated with respect, then the "training" work we do with our dogs will undergo some pretty dramatic changes. Instead of creating more distrust between dog and human, bonds can be built and I promise you, there will be forward motion in the progress you make when you work together. Don't be a "training bully". Respect the dog and to let go of the need to control everything. Let your dog set the pace.

I say this because I had a pretty amazing moment with Chima on Saturday night. If you remember, when Chima first arrived with us back in May of this year, she did not want to be touched at all (see "Stupendously Wonderful Baby Steps.) Touch was very uncomfortable and she didn't even like me to look at her when I was teaching her cues for "sit" and "come".  We spent a lot of time on the opposite side of the room.

I decided early on that some of the "touch" stuff was just Chima and I had to be okay with that. If she never wanted to snuggle and hang out on the same side of the room as me, that was okay. She was a great dog and that didn't change the fact. We did some touch work with paintbrushes, targeting games, and just basic desensitization and counter conditioning work, but I didn't push things. I accepted her as she was. I loved her for being the dog she was - full of character, a complete goof, a tank with a super-sized motor and one of the most uncoordinated terriers I've met.

Well check out this series of photos. On Saturday Chima jumped up on the couch next to me while I was doing email on my phone. She was between me and the arm of the couch so kind of pinned in and cornered but for the first time that didn't seem to concern her. She sat there rigidly for a bit and then she nudged at my arm, wanting to play our "touch" targeting game that she loves. I was in shock and awe but decided not to play the game, wanting to see if she could relax enough to just kick back and enjoy the moment - relax and nap like the other three dogs on the other end and the back of the couch.

"Whatcha doin'?" 

"Come on - where's your hand? Let's play the targeting game!"

"Well, this is kind of boring."

"Might as well take a power nap until you're ready for a game."

Check out that final photo...  She did it! She figured out I was busy right then and so laid her head down ON MY LAP. Yes folks, she chose to lay there, relaxed, with most of her body touching me. I almost cried because I really didn't think she would ever be comfortable doing this. But I let her make the choice and after 5 months of watching other dogs with me, learning my behavior patterns, and practicing short non-threatening touch linked with big rewards she decided to try out the lap dog thing. It only lasted about 2 to 3 minutes, but it happened, and the fact that it happened at all, let alone for 2-3 whole minutes is huge!

So next time you set an agenda of what you think your dog's personality should be like and what behaviors they should be able to do and when they should be able to do those behaviors, step back and chill out. Let your dog be your partner in the process and let them tell YOU what the timeline will be and how far they are ready to go. When you let go of those expectations and rigid goals, you free both you and your dog up for some amazing experiences and a much happier existence together.