Goodbye, Luci

Sweet little Luci was picked up Wednesday evening, May 7th, by her new mom and taken to her forever home. It will be a great home for her, but we will miss her. She is such an incredible dog - laid back, smart, obedient - that we believe her new family is very lucky to have found such wonderful puppy. I can't imagine why anyone would drop such a sweet, young, dog off at a high kill shelter.

Suki and Luci really hit it off and it was so sad the first morning without Luci. Suki tore down the stairs in the morning and searched each floor of the house, looking for Luci. When she didn't find her she came and looked at me, puzzled and then went back to bed.

It was easier to say goodbye this time than it was with little Smudge, our first foster. Of course, we only had Luci with us for one and a half weeks. I seem to go through what I call the 4 stages of puppy grief. Here they are:

First the denial stage: I tell myself that it wouldn't be so bad to have two dogs and foster a third, and consider trying to talk my husband and the state rescue coordinator into letting me keep this one, even though an application approval has already been sent out.

Second the depression stage: I realize that I have to give her up, have trouble sleeping at night and for a day or two feel sick to my stomach.

Third the acceptance stage: I start to let go, emotionally separate from her, and to think of her as someone elses dog that I am watching. I remind myself that the family will love and care for her just as much as I do. I think about the sweet little dogs that are currently waiting for a foster spot to open up and how they will be put to sleep if there isn't a spot for them.

Fourth and final stage, moving on: Kathy, the state coordinator sends me an email listing the bajillion dogs in Texas that she's trying to rescue and fly up to Washington - the eight puppies and their heartworm positive mom, the 11 year old male who's sweet but hard to place because of his age, the 2 year old female with only a day before she's going to be put to sleep because she's too scared to show well in the shelter, the puppies who will be put down because they contracted kennel cough.... For a few days I'm sad and battle with getting the picture of her worried little face as she left us out of my mind, but before long I'm busy with the next dog. I know that I can email and ask the adopters for photos or call and see how the transition is going.

So many people ask "how can you let them go?" or "but don't you think it's traumatic for them to get attached to you and then have to go to another home?" or any number of variations of that question. At times it feels a bit accusatory. We are not heartless. Yes, it hurts like hell to let them go, but it's not about me. I'm willing to feel awful for a few days, knowing that they are healthy and alive because we let ourselves love them. And yes, it is stressful for them to become attached to me and then have to go to another home, but it's more traumatic for them to be gassed and thrown into a landfill - common practice in the south. The reward is seeing a scared and broken little dog come to life before your eyes and learn to trust again. That is more than worth the rough week of saying goodbye.