When to Bend

Most of us have had the idea driven into our brains that we are the bosses in our relationship with our dogs. In this mindset the dog is the lesser creature and does all the adjusting to live in our world. I think though that there is a difference in being "the boss" and being a leader. And a good leader understands that compromise is not a sign of weakness.

Chima, Salinas and Frodo

Why am I rambling on about this? Yesterday I was down on the ground playing with the dogs and I realized how different my interactions were with each dog. Salinas got snuggles and even semi-confining hugs. I flopped on top of her, in a mini-pin that she could easily escape and she was in heaven. Salinas craves touch and so my interactions with her include tons of it. My elderly dog Tilly is like this as well.

Frodo though is about action. He wants to be chasing and darting around with pets in between as long as they aren't grabby. Tug and fetch and growling at each other is how we interact. I talk a lot at Frodo and he talks back. A lot.

Finally we have Chima who finds touch aversive. She's doesn't seem to find it scary but she just doesn't enjoy it and her skin will shudder a bit with each pet. So Chima and I found a way to interact that is comfortable to both of us. No hands are used - just heads. When I make a smoochy noise at her she will come and touch noses. We will headbutt each other, I'll rub my cheek on hers and she'll reciprocate. Often she'll get playful and she might invite me to some wrestling time with her.

Had I insisted on petting her as my way of interacting she wouldn't have snapped at me or completely avoided me. But our relationship would not be nearly as close as it is with me respecting her need for hands free interaction. It now has a depth and a playfulness I never thought possible when I first met this rather aloof, regal girl.

Had I been rigid about a goal of getting Chima to the point where she wanted tons of petting, I probably would have failed and both Chima and I would be frustrated with each other. I could have gotten her to the point where she would tolerate it but just tolerating one's life is a pretty sad way to live. Kind of like an introvert forced to work in a job where they are constantly working with people - it can be done but it takes its toll.

So consider making a few compromises in your interactions with your dog. If we expect them to be respectful of us, we really should reciprocate. And amazing things can happen in a relationship built on mutual respect.